Mr David Davis is at the golf club returning his locker key when Mr Barnier,
the membership secretary sees him.
“Hello Mr Davis”, says Mr Barnier. “I’m sorry to hear you are no longer
renewing your club membership,if you would like to come to my office we can
settle your account”.
“I have settled my bar bill” says Mr Davis..
“Ah yes Mr Davis”,says Mr Barnier, “but there are other matters that need
In Mr Barniers office Mr Davis explains that he has settled his bar bill so
wonders what else he can possibly owe the Golf Club?
“Well Mr Davis” begins Mr Barnier, “you did agree to buy one of our Club
“Yes” agrees Mr Davis “I did agree to buy a jacket but I haven’t received it
yet”. “As soon as you supply the jacket I will send you a cheque for the
“That will not be possible” explains Mr Barnier. “As you are no longer a
club member you will not be entitled to buy one of our jackets”!
“But you still want me to pay for it” exclaims Mr Davis.
“Yes” says Mr Barnier, “That will be £500 for the jacket. “There is also
your bar bill”.
“But I’ve already settled my bar bill” says Mr Davis.
“Yes” says Mr Barnier, “but as you can appreciate, we need to place our
orders from the Brewery in advance to ensure our bar is properly stocked”…
“You regularly used to spend at least £50 a week in the bar so we have
placed orders with the brewery accordingly for the coming year”. “You
therefore owe us £2600 for the year”.
“Will you still allow me to have these drinks?” asks Mr Davis.
“No of course not Mr Davis”. “You are no longer a club member!” says Mr
Barnier. “Next is your restaurant bill” continues Mr Barnier. “In the same
manner we have to make arrangements in advance with our catering suppliers”.
“Your average restaurant bill was in the order of £300 a month, so we’ll
require payment of £3600 for the next year”.
“I don’t suppose you’ll be letting me have these meals either” asks Mr
“No, of course not” says an irritated Mr Barnier, “you are no longer a club
“Then of course” Mr Barnier continues, “there are repairs to the clubhouse
“Clubhouse roof” exclaims Mr Davis, “What’s that got to do with me?”
“Well it still needs to be repaired and the builders are coming in next
week”, your share of the bill is £2000″.
“I see” says Mr Davis, “anything else?”.
“Now you mention it” says Mr Barnier, “there is Fred the Barman’s pension”..
“We would like you to pay £5 a week towards Fred’s pension when he retires
next month”. “He’s not well you know so I doubt we’ll need to ask you for
payment for longer than about five years, so £1300 should do it”. “This
brings your total bill to £10,000” says Mr Barnier.
“Let me get this straight” says Mr Davis, “you want me to pay £500 for a
jacket you won’t let me have, £2600 for beverages you won’t let me drink and
£3600 for food you won’t let me eat, all under a roof I won’t be allowed
under and not served by a bloke who’s going to retire next month!”
“Yes, it’s all perfectly clear and quite reasonable” says Mr Barnier.
“P… off!” says Mr Davis
Now we understand what Brexit is all about!!!!!